


Daisy

by Lexilindale35



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:49:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8361730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: "She loved the Hell out of me."
He meets her at a coffee shop and Cassian can't get the pretty girl out of his head. Somehow he gets through her walls and suddenly his life takes a turn he never saw coming.
Based on the song Daisy by Halfway to Hazard





	

The rain fell steadily against the window of the bookstore. My hand ached from writing the thesis I was currently working on. I took a moment and tore my eyes away from the pages and looked up. My neck cracked and it felt good to move. I hadn't realized I had been sitting there for so long until now.

My eyes wandered. Everyone was typing away on their computers. I was one of the few students who still wrote out their papers first. I guess it was old thinking, but I liked to write my thoughts on paper first.

I almost started writing again when I saw her. Her dress was a deep green color, there were flowers lining the bottom. Daisies. My heart sped up as I watched her sit down at a table by herself. She had a bag on her shoulder. I watched as she pulled a book out and started reading.

She was beautiful. Her skin looked like it was kissed by sun. Her blonde hair was braided over shoulder, it fell to her chest. I couldn't stop staring as she twirled a stray strand around her finger.

I picked my pen back up. I couldn't concentrate anymore. There was something about her that pulled me. I just wanted to know her name, to hear the sound of her voice. I wanted to see her smile, to hear what she thought of the book she read.

I squinted. It looked like an interesting book, throne of something. She kept her eyes on the page, reading faster than anyone I had ever seen.

This wasn’t me. I never chased the girl, I always let them chase me. And yet I couldn’t stop glancing in her direction, I couldn’t stop wishing she would fall out of the story and look back at me. I wanted to know her name. I wanted to make her laugh.

Was this what it felt like when fate intervened in your life? Did you suddenly forget the person you once were, because you wanted to be whoever they wanted you to be?

I couldn't stop myself as I stood up and walked towards her. She didn't even notice me standing there until I cleared my throat.

"Can I help you?" She asked in an angry voice.

I had no idea what to say. I looked at her book and then back at her face. God she was beautiful. There was fire in her eyes. She was a challenge. She was a mystery I wanted to solve.

"I'm Cassian," I sat down across from her.

She nodded her head, "okay. That's nice."

She looked back down, "don't I get to know your name?"

She shook her head, "nope. If you would excuse me I came here to read. And my assassin just entered her first fight," she gestured towards the book and ignored me once more.

I smiled, "okay. Well enjoy your book."

She hadn't smiled, but I still couldn't get her out of my head. I watched her read the entire book, my thesis long forgotten at this point. I wasn't sure why she fascinated me. She wasn't my type. She was closed off and full of fire.

But for some reason I wanted to get burned. I wanted to find out why she sparked and how to put out the flames.

For the next week I went from writing my thesis to waiting for her. She came in at the same time every day. She had a different book to read. Judging by the covers they were all in the same series. A girl with a sword, the current one she held a flame. It was when she brought the very first book in again, a week and one day since I first saw her, that I tried to talk to her again.

"So I have two theories," I didn't even wait for her to glance up as I sat across from her, "you're either training to be an assassin. Or you're secretly a princess."

She raised an eyebrow at me, a smile trying, but failing, to pull at the corner of her mouth. She put her bookmark in the page she was on, "maybe I am learning how to kill annoying boys who keep staring at me when they're supposed to be writing a paper."

My cheeks blushed, "so you did notice."

She rolled her eyes, "why are you so interested in me? I am boring. I come here at the same time everyday after caring for my mother so I can have some peace and quiet."

I flashed her a smile, "you read for hours without stopping. You twirl your hair when it gets interesting. How do I know? Because your eyebrows crease and you stick your tongue out between your teeth and lean in. Sometimes you stop and order hot chocolate because you need a moment. But what I can't figure out is how you've read this entire series in a week. And now you're rereading it. Why?"

She smiled slightly, "because I am not as strong as the heroine. I wish to be. I wish for a world as black and white as hers."

"She hardly has it easy," her mouth fell open in surprise.

"You've. You've read it?"

I smiled, "I wanted to see what captivated you. I liked it. But sadly I don't have the others to find out what happens."

She sat up straighter, "I've changed my mind," she took a sip of her hot chocolate, "I don't think I'll murder you."

"Yes. I knew I could change your mind," she smiled, it was beautiful, "so now. Do I get to know your name?"

"Nesta," she looked back down at her book. When I didn't leave she sighed loudly, "well if you’re going to insist on sitting with me go get your notebook so you can at least pretend to be writing while staring."

I never knew my life would change by befriending her. I never realized what I was getting myself into until it was too late to turn back.

\---

We started to sit together. I saved her a seat at the table she always picked, a nice warm hot chocolate already waiting for her. The first time she found me she didn't comment. The second time she told me I was a fool. The third day she sat down with a smile and just starting reading without warning.

Nesta was a storm. A storm I wanted to stand in forever.

It took me another week to convince her to go out on a date with me. No matter how I asked she always shot me down. But after she reread all the books in the Throne of Glass series she brought another one. Something about Shadows and Bones. I watched her read, she was always taken to another place. It was as if the room around her disappeared.

She paused as I wrote the last word to my thesis.

"I've been thinking," her voice went soft whenever she decided to have a conversation with me. It was as if she was afraid someone might over hear her.

I sucked my bottom lip in over my teeth and ran my tongue over it. I made her squirm, "about what?"

She blew a piece of hair out of her face. She glanced around and then finally settled her gaze back on mine. I hadn't seen her nervous yet. But I could tell I already liked it. Her cheeks were flushed and her hands wouldn't still.

"If you wanted to go out. With me. Somewhere other than this cafe." Her cheeks got even brighter.

I couldn't stop smiling as I nodded my head, "I've been trying to ask you out all week Nesta. You've shot me down every time," I grabbed her hands and held them so they would stop moving around the table, "what did you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise."

The next day she met me at the cafe. But instead of going into our usual table she took my hand and we started walking away from the shops. She didn't let go of my hand. She pulled me along beside her, quiet as she always was.

"Nesta," her name fell off my lips easily now, "tell me you aren't going to kill me and then bury my body in the woods?"

She laughed. In the last two weeks we had been sitting together I had never heard her laugh. I stopped walking, pulling her to a stop with me. I reached up and touched her lips, her eyes crinkled with her smile.

"What?" She asked as she glanced nervously back at me.

"You laughed," my heart was pounding, "I've been trying to make you laugh since I first met you."

She grabbed my wrist before it could fall away from her face. She squeezed my fingers gently, her smile never falling, "I don't offer my laugh to just anyone."

She winked as she started to walk again. We wandered into a field of overgrown weeds. There was a blanket sitting by the tall oak tree. Nesta smiled as she let go of my hand and raced towards it. I didn't chase her, I let her win.

This woman in front of me was a stranger. She wasn’t the girl I met at the cafe, she had been holding back. She was happy and carefree, the burdens of whatever life she was living were stripped away. I couldn’t stop staring at her, she was beautiful when she smiled. Even more beautiful when she laughed. Her blue grey eyes were sparkling in the sunlight.

"This is my favorite place," she said softly. Her eyes were big and bright, "I love coming here. Almost as much as I love that damn cafe."

I smiled as she pulled me down beside her, "oh yeah? And why do you love the cafe?"

"Because some fool thinks he likes me. Won't leave me alone," she giggled as I pulled her in. I didn't even think twice about it I grabbed her hips as she leaned into my touch.

Slowly her lips pressed against mine. I smiled as my eyes closed, her body leaning into mine and closing the distance between us. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her as if my life depended on it. I held her chest against mine, her lips soft and yet rough as she worked against me.

I pulled away, her cheeks were flushed, "you're wrong," I whispered as I brushed her hair out of her face, "that fools doesn't think he likes you. He's pretty sure he's in love with you."

\--

We spent every day after that together. I'd find her after class and we would go to our field. It was our secret place, where she would read and I would watch. Sometimes she would read the stories out loud to me. She laid with her head in my lap, my fingers would run through her hair.

"I love daisies," she sighed as she closed her book, "they're so bright and beautiful."

I smiled, leaning down and stealing a kiss. I loved being able to do that, "so are you. Once you get past the walls of barbed wire.”

She hummed, “you’re the first person who actually tired. They usually give up after I shoot them down with my attitude the first time they come near. But you, I think you liked me being mean to you.”

I laughed, “no. I just wanted to see if it was possible to make you smile,” my thumb brushed her cheek, “and I was right. I got you to smile. Now look at you. You’re a big old marshmallow, Nesta.”

Nesta rolled her eyes as she set her book on her stomach. She looked up at me and I leaned down, pressing my lips to hers. I would never tire of kissing her, I would never tire of her. She had come into my life without warning and I never knew I needed someone like her beside me. I knew I was in love with her, I had been since that very first day we met. She was everything I never knew this world had to offer me.

She was a dream I didn’t realize I had.

She smiled as I sat back up. She sighed softly, her eyes going back down to her book, "I want to do this one day."

"What is that love?"

"Write a book that changes someone's life. I want to have characters who go on grand adventures. I want an epic love story that has tension and resolve," she bit her lip. She sat up quickly, her hair falling over her shoulder as she looked at me, "I've never told anyone that."

I pulled her up so that she was sitting against me, "I want to make your dreams come true Nesta."

She smiled as she leaned in and kissed me, "I knew I fell for you for a reason."

Nesta hugged me tightly as I fell back onto the blanket. I always knew she was an angel, because somehow she had loved the hell out of me. It was ironic, finding myself in the one woman I never ever thought I'd have a chance with. Maybe that's why I had tried so hard. 

My hands ran up her legs. Her dress bunching at the waist as she straddled my lap. 

"Nesta," I whispered her name softly and she giggled as she brought my hands up to her chest. She shook her head and leaned down to kiss me.

"Shh," she whispered against my lips, "I want this. I want you."

"In the middle of a field?"

"Our field," she said before kissing me and cutting off all my arguments. 

There in our field she gave me her body and bared me her soul. Every touch, every kiss sealed our fate. There was nothing left for me in this world. She was the start and end of every thought inside my head. Because she was my heart and soul.

I wasn't sure how I had gotten through life before I spotted her in that cafe. But I knew I wasn't ever going to let her go.

\--

Nesta and I just fit together. Five years after we met I proposed. She didn't even hesitate when I got down on one knee in front of her family and friends. She was still the same girl I met, full of fire. But she had opened up for me.

She never asked me for anything. She just loved me as much as I loved her. She was my angel, so sweet and amazing. I couldn't believe how lucky I had gotten. Our wedding was small, only family and friends were there.

Nesta looked beautiful in her white dress. Her golden hair cascaded down her back in big curls. Her smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Because it was for me, she never smiled for anyone else the way she did when she walked down that aisle.

Rhysand was my best man. Feyre was her maid of honor. And yet standing there I knew I was the luckiest damn bastard to ever be born. Because this woman was mine. She chose me. She put my ring on her finger and declared herself my wife.

I cried when she said her vows.

"I promise to tell you everything. I promise I won't ever sugar coat life and that if you're pissing me off I'll let you know," a few people laughed, "I promise to find a moment in every day to think of you. I promise that I will never lose my fire because it burns only for you. I promise I will never lock you out of my heart or the house,” another round of laughter, “you are my best friend, my favorite person. I love you Cassian. I promise to love you until my very last breath."

She leaned in and wiped away a tear. I smiled as I saw Feyre wiping away her own. I took in a deep breath as she slipped the ring on my finger. Then it was my turn.

"I promise not to piss you off too much," I laughed as I cleared my throat, "but really I promise to love you as hard as you've loved me these last few years. I promise to read your favorite books and listen to your favorite songs. I promise to watch over you and kiss you even when you're mad at me. I promise to embrace your fire and to always hold you when you're sad. I am yours Nesta, your best friend, your cheerleader. I am your husband, and I promise to always be there. I love you for now and for always."

She didn't even wait for the priest to say the words. She leaned in and pressed her mouth to mine, everyone clapping and cheering as I kissed my bride. Our tears mixed together as we kissed. Her hands never left my face as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"I love you," she whispered against my lips.

"As I love you."

I didn't think life could get better than that. I finished school and started my job. Nesta kept read and writing. She help her sister with her mom a lot. We fell asleep beside each other every single night. Usually after we were tangled up between the sheets.

We were happy. Nesta told me she was happy. She would curl up in my arms and smile, "I'm glad you never gave up that day in the cafe," her ring caught the light as she held my hand, "because I needed to let someone in. I'm glad it was you."

I kissed the top of her head, "I love you Nesta. I'm pretty sure I loved you the moment you pulled out that book. And I wasn't going to just let you go."

She kissed my neck, "I don't deserve you."

"Oh but you do," I whispered back before catching her lips in mine. She was so soft. So strong and yet so vulnerable. It had taken me a while to get used to her letting me in the way she was. But now that I saw all the parts of her soul, I couldn't believe I got to call her mine.

It was a good six months after we were married when it happened. I came home from a terrible day at work and the house was quiet. There were candles on the table and Nesta was dressed up. 

"Did someone die? Did I miss an anniversary?" I asked as I put my keys on the hook.

She shook her head, "no," her eyes were big with tears. She walked into my arms and kissed me. Then she pulled away, her hand grabbing mine. She placed it against her stomach, "but we are going to have a baby."

My eyes went wide. We hadn't talked about kids. Not when or how many. But I could tell by the look in her eyes she was more than excited. She was ecstatic she was going to be a mother.

"A baby," I whispered my face breaking out in the biggest smile I had ever given, "our baby."

She nodded, "well yeah. I didn't sleep with the mailman. Although he offered."

"Remind me to punch the mailman," I said before kissing her. It was the happiest day of our lives. Thinking about our future with a child we would raise. A child who would look like Nesta.

Our excitement didn't last long.

She lost the baby. She woke me up in the middle of the night covered in blood crying. I called an ambulance and then helped her down the stairs. They said it was normal, they said miscarriages happen all the time. Nesta was silent that night, she just held my hand, staring at nothing as the doctors helped her.

But I could see some of the fire in her eyes go out. She blamed herself for losing our baby. She thought I would blame her too. 

When we got home I held her close and promised her it was no ones fault. Our baby was going to come soon enough and then we wouldn't remember the pain of losing this one. I called off of work and just kept holding Nesta.

She finally broke down that afternoon. She cried, clinging to my shirt and mumbling apologies and telling me it was her fault. She said she should've been more careful, that she was already a terrible mother. I held her and soothed her. I didn't know how to mend this break in her heart.

But I promised her I wouldn't stop trying.

We didn't talk about babies for a little while after that. Nesta didn't write again for almost six months. It killed me to see her lose a part of herself. But I knew she was grieving and she would heal in her own time.

Two years after we were married it happened again. I came home and Nesta was crying. I found her in the kitchen, her eyes red and puffy. I didn't think I just reacted.

"Nesta," I wrapped my arms around her. 

She smiled, "I'm pregnant Cassian," she whispered as she pulled the positive test out in front of her.

I kissed her softly, "I told you we'd have another shot."

She smiled, a real smile I hadn't seen since she lost the first baby. I held her close and we decided to go to the doctors first thing and make sure everything was okay.

Once Nesta hit the third month she stopped worrying about losing this baby. Her little bump grew and so did her spirit. She was excited to be a mother, but I knew there was some fear there as well. She feared being a screw up. She feared not loving the baby enough.

Every night I would pull her into my chest and wrap my arms around her, my hands rested on our child. I would kiss her shoulder and promise her this child would love us no matter how terrible at parenting we were. She would sigh and agree, but I knew her fears ran deeper than that.

She was almost six months along when the baby finally kicked. She called me at work, she was so excited I could barely understand her. I left early, afraid something was wrong. But nothing was wrong. When I got home she grabbed my hand and pressed it against the swell of her belly.

"They're kicking," she giggled as I felt a little foot thump against my hand.

My own smile mirrored hers. This was real. We would get to meet this baby, we would hold them and bring them home. We wouldn't lose them, there was no chance of that now.

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her again. God I had missed my wife. I had missed this feeling, the excitement of a life together. 

Nesta went into labor early in the morning. She woke me up, shaking my arm hard. I was barely awake when she let out a sob of pain.

"Cass. Wake up," she shook me again, "it's time."

I shot up and got dressed. I helped her out of bed and she insisted on getting dressed too. I helped her into a shirt and a pair of pants. She winced as her contractions started. I made it to the hospital in less than five minutes.

They ushered us back into a room right away. The doctors and nurses came in and out and made her comfortable. I held her hand and she squeezed it hard during every contraction. I pushed her hair out of her face and she cursed me.

"I'm going to kill you for this," she grunted as I kissed her cheek.

I smiled, "a little bit of pain for a life of happiness."

She shook her head, "I know," she sighed as the pain passed and she leaned over to kiss me. There were tears in both our eyes, "I can't wait to meet our baby."

Seven hours later everyone was gathered in the lobby waiting as Nesta started to push. I held her hand, dressed in scrubs and coaching her through the pain. She would breathe deeply in and out as she pushed as hard as she could. The doctors told her she was doing good.

"You're almost there sweetheart. A few more pushes and we get to meet our bundle of joy," I kissed her forehead as she tried not to cry. 

She nodded as the doctor told her to prepare to push again. She squeezed my hand and screamed as she pushed with all her might. I heard the baby. The sound of their little cries was beautiful as Nesta relaxed against the pillows.

"You did it," I whispered as she squeezed my hand, "I love you."

The nurse cleaned our baby off, wrapping them in a blanket. I was so focused on our baby I didn't feel Nesta lose a breath. I kissed the back of her hand and she looked at me. Her eyes had lost that fire, something was wrong.

Nesta's head fell back and her eyes rolled closed. Her grip on my hand went slack, "Cassian."

"I'm here," I kissed her forehead. She shook her head, her voice was gone. All that left her mouth was a rush of air. My heart stopped. "Something is wrong. Please help my wife."

The doctor sighed as the nurses gathered around, "I can't stop the bleeding. Cassian I have to ask you to leave."

They rushed around and suddenly a hand pushed me into the hallway. I didn't even stop the tears that started to fall. My lungs weren't working, my hands pulled at my hair. I felt powerless, whatever had happened wasn't good. I wanted to be beside her. 

I paced outside her room. The nurse had taken the baby. I knew the first moment with their mother was important. But I couldn't keep waiting. My heart hurt, my hands were shaking. My eyes were red from trying to suppress my tears.

What felt like hours later a doctor came out. The door opened slowly. My knees felt weak. He pulled his mask off. He didn't even have to speak, his eyes told me everything. The noises around me stopped, my lungs collapsed. My stomach fell and my world stopped spinning.

"I'm sorry son," he put his hand on my shoulder as he shook his head, "we did everything we could. But she just wasn't strong enough."

My mouth fell open but no sounds came out. Tears hot and heavy rolled down my cheeks. My knees gave out and I fell to the hallway floor, burying my face in my hands. My wife was gone. One minute she was here, pushing a new life into the world. And then next she was gone, no more air in her lungs.

"Nesta," I whispered her name, begging someone else to come and tell me he was wrong. I just wanted to hold her one last time. To tell her I loved her and that I couldn't do this without her.

"Cassian," someone called my name and I looked up. Feyre came walking towards me. I was still on the ground, my vision blurry. I couldn't see, I couldn't feel. Everything was hazy, my world didn't make sense anymore.

How did this happen? How did you lose the love of you life and move on without them?

I shook my head as Feyre knelt down in front of me. I couldn't find my voice, God she looked so much like her sister. I didn't see the resemblance until now. Her eyes were brighter than Nesta's, her hair shorter. But looking at her sent a stab through my heart.

I wouldn't see my wife again. I wouldn't hold her or kiss her. I wouldn't get to grow old with her. We would never kiss or hug again. Feyre grabbed my hands as I tried to pull myself together. I needed to tell them. Her family needed to know.

Rhysand came up behind Feyre. Where one was the other always followed. He saw me on the floor crying and I knew he understood. Neither one of them made a comment. They were both ready to comfort me.

A sob escaped my throat. I had failed her. 

"She's gone," my voice broke as Feyre wrapped her arms around me, "my Nesta. She's just. I can't."

I held onto her sister with all my might. My life, my everything was gone. I couldn't feel anything but pain. I couldn't see anything but tears. She was the start and end of me. What was I supposed to do now? Rhysand hugged me too, my face buried in his wife's neck.

I had no idea how to be a father. I told Nesta I was terrified. Now I had to wade through this all on my own.

A nurse cleared her throat interrupting our moment, "would you like to meet your daughter now?"

My daughter. In my mess of a broken heart I had forgotten we had a little girl. A baby girl who would never have a mother to teach her about makeup and hair. A little girl who would be stuck with me and my lack of knowledge about all the books and things Nesta had always loved. Another sob hit me, Feyre squeezed my hand.

"We will get through this," she whispered. Rhysand squeezed my shoulder.

This wasn't something to get through. This was my life now. My life without Nesta. Eight years together and I wasn't prepared to live without her. I didn't even know how I had loved before she came along.

I nodded at the nurse as Feyre let me go. I stood up and followed the nurse into the nursery and she handed me a bundle of pink. She was beautiful, her mothers blue grey eyes found mine. She already had a head full of dark hair. My heart spilt open once more. Nesta would never hold her. She would never meet our little miracle.

My mind flashed to the dress Nesta wore that first day in the cafe. The flowers on the bottom. Her back pressed against my chest as I held her in our field. A tear slipped down my cheek as I felt my world fall apart and yet one piece remained. This little girl was mine.

This little girl was the only thing that saved me from it all.

“Hi Daisy," I whispered softly, "I'm your daddy."

She cooed, what looked like a smile was on her face. Her little fingers flexed and she reached for mine. I didn't think I had any tears left to shed, but I cried again as my baby nestled in my arms. Nesta wouldn't want me to break down. Our little Daisy needed me now more than ever.

And I would be the best damn father there ever was.

\--

I sat in a field of wild flowers. The daisies were scattered all around. Her little laugh carried as she chased the butterflies. A lump grew in my throat, it was a bittersweet moment. My little girl happy and healthy, but my poor heart would never truly be the same. Not since she was born.

"Papa!" She came running over and tackled me. I hugged her tightly as she kissed my cheek.

Three years. It didn't seem like it had been that long. Some days went too fast, others drug on as the pain threatened to pull me under.

She had gotten so big. I remember when she barely sat in my arms she was so tiny. Her little fingers couldn't even wrap around mine. Her hair had lightened with each year. It was closed to golden now. But it was her eyes that always threw me. Those beautiful blue grey eyes.

She giggled as she kissed my cheek. Always so happy. Always such a beautiful reminder of what I had gained in my life. She thought I hung the stars in the sky. She truly believed I could rid the monsters from her life.

She didn't realize how hard it was for me to play the part. I love her. But sometimes she's a painful reminder of a life I should've had.

The sun was warm on my face as I leaned back against the tree I was sitting under. My daughter ran back towards the butterfly, my mind going in every direction. 

Today was always the hardest day. Daisy's birthday and the day we lost her mom. The day my best friend, my heart and soul left this world. She loved our little pea, every night she would press my hand against her belly. She loved our daughter even before she met her. I knew she would've done everything exactly the same had she known the outcome.

The funeral had been a blur for me. I stood there blurry eyed and a mess of emotions. I held my tiny daughter in my arms as they lowered my wife into the ground. I was numb. I didn't even realize that was the moment I was supposed to say goodbye. We were supposed to have a life together. Our love story was the whole book, not just one chapter.

Rhysand had to pull me away from her grave when the rain started. By then Feyre had already taken Daisy back home. It was me holding up the process of covering her grave. Because once the dirt was thrown it was all over. She was truly gone and I would never get her back.

Rhysand held me as I finally broke down and cried for everything I had lost. All our dreams, all the love we shared. They were buried there with the woman I would've spent my entire life with. It wasn't fair. But then again no one said life was fair.

I watched Daisy's long hair fly out behind her. The memory of Nesta running after me flashed before my eyes. I knew if I had known how things would go I would do it all over again to get to this moment. I loved Nesta, and I always will. But that little girl stole my heart the moment I thought it would never be put back together again.

Daisy didn't ask about her mom. She found me crying a few times, holding Nesta's picture. She knew it was hard for me, even at the little age of three. But I wanted her to know her mother. I wanted her to love Nesta as much as I did.

So I took in a breath, "hey Daisy," I called her back to me. She settled in between my legs, her breath coming in ragged puffs.

"Daddy," she smiled as I ran my fingers through her hair.

"I have a story for you," I kept my voice low as she leaned back into my arms, "once upon a time there was a beautiful woman. Her name was Nesta."

Daisy's eyes got wide, "mama?"

I nodded slowly, "yes. I loved your mom very much," I chocked back a sob as she looked at mw with those same eyes, "and she loved me. But she loved you even before she ever met you. And she gave you the greatest gift. Life."

"Mama's in the sky," she whispered softly as she looked at me, "don't cry daddy."

"I always knew she was an angel," I whispered softly as Daisy wiped away my tears, "and now she has her wings."

I held her close. I knew the pain would never lessen, it would never dull. But that was okay because as long as I had the pain I would remember her. I would remember my Nesta, the spark that lit the fire in my soul. She came into my life when I never knew I needed someone like her. 

She gave me happiness, she gave me love. She gave me a life I never ever dreamt of. I never got to thank her. I never told her how much she meant to me. But sitting there holding our little girl in my arms I could feel her. She was always with me. Whenever I needed her all I had to do was look into the eyes of our daughter.

My heart would never heal. My soul would always be broken. But I would do it all over again, every laugh, every kiss, every fight. I would do it all just to know a moment of true happiness. To know what it felt like to love with my entire being, to have someone love me back just as hard.

I kissed Daisy's cheek as I kept going with my story. Nesta might have been gone but she left me with the greatest gift of all. The one thing she never let anyone see or feel. She gave me her heart. And now that she was here in this world I would love the hell out of her, just as she had done for me. 

She will always be here with me. Sometimes I can still hear her laughter carry on the wind. That's how I know I'll never forget those blue eyes. Or that smile that changed my life. I will carry Nesta in my heart until one day I finally get to see her again.

I see her in the face of my beautiful little Daisy I feel her in the sun that shines down on our field. Nesta is still here helping me. Because our love is like the wind. You can’t see it, but I will always be able to feel it.


End file.
